what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
