My room smells like vodka and shame
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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