when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Can I color on your dick again?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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