pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
