I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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