It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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