It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
