either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
