I wish I could punch you in the face.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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