dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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