so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Slut skills are useful in every country.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
