she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
