I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
