Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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