im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
