Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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