I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Can't talk, ducks in the car
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
