so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
pray to the hookup gods
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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