I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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