I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
