The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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