did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
