he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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