whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
