she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
