I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
