I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
