The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
