My girlfriend figured out who you are.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
