whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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