His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
