Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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