bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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