I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
