my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
