hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
