we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
