OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
