how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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