ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
