Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
