Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
