Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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