We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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