Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
