we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
