Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
