Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
