I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
