yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
