I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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