do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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