Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Oh god it's open bar.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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