I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
