It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
