What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
pop tarts are not kleenex
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
