Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
