just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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