this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
